Historic Border Patrol Badge Artifact

Smuggling You Here, Part 5

Usually what will happen is that your “coyote” or “guide” will dump you someplace 10 miles inside the U.S. and then you will hike to some rendezvous point where a car or van will be waiting for you and your buddies and it will then take you to Los Angeles.

This is not true in Arizona, where you may be served Church’s Chicken purchased at a store in Sierra Vista and where gunbattles between rival smuggling gangs leave burning cars and illegal alien bodies scattered hither and thither on the interstate (see the ARIZONA pages in the index on the left).

If the Border Patrol catches you instead — yes, in their mailman’s truck — then the Agent will call for back-up. “Back-up” is really “BACK-UP” and now things will get better — and worse — for you all at the same time.

"BACK-UP” will consist of a very serious truck equipped with a portable prison. Not to worry, the portable prison is fully air conditioned in the summer and nicely heated in the winter.

U.S. Border Patrol Apprehension Vehicle

Don’t worry, the portable prison here is much bigger than it looks. That’s a BIG truck.

While you are waiting for your “removal,” you will be handcuffed with plastic cuffs, and your shoes removed from your feet, and then all of you and your friends will be cuffed together in one long chain. You will be cuffed together right hand to other guy’s right hand and on and on so that some of you are facing forward and some backward. Now, you can’t run any faster than the slowest among you, and even then — thanks to being handcuffed wierdly — you will all be trying to go in different directions all at once.

U.S. Border Patrol Apprehension Vehicle

The rear door is completely kick-proof. Even with six of you inside.

There are real problems with you illegals today. You have all sorts of diseases. Terrible diseases. These diseases are so bad that the Border Patrol Agent will always wear gloves when he is near you. But your breath might be far more deadly than it smells.

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